Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
