Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
