Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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