I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
