I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
