nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Bring me that man meat
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
