So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
