When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
