You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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