if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
