My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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