So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
