So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I touched a dick in church today
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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