I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
