he shaved USA in his pubs
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
