I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
