I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
