they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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