I've blown a few things in my day
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
