Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
