Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
