Please, let me fuck your mom
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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