I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
