At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
