I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
