You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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