Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
