after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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