I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
