That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
