you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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