Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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