You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
