Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
