There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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