Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
