carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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