Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
