We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
