1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
