So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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