You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
