you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
