Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
