It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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