This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
