Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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