he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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