apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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