I hate your face
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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