If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
